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Seawater

by starfish

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1.
[underwater] 01:44
2.
footnote 04:12
lyrics
I’ve been so many firsts A hurried morning after A discarded smiling toy A kiss and a lesson All taken back I’ve been so many lasts A final rock bottom A footnote in your novel It’s the asymmetry That threatens to follow me Call me a theater The way im projecting I wanna feel it all around I know you hate how I sound Another one of your footnotes One of your footnotes baby Throw me down with the rest of em You know i’m the best of ‘em Cross my heart And know you’re lying You won’t be there When i’m dying I know you You’re all the same Use me again With a different name (How many more times How many more times I think about you all the time Can’t let this river unwind) This won’t be the last time I see you But it’ll be the last time you look in my eyes Swear I don’t give ppl power over me But here I am frozen and unable to breathe Another one of your footnotes (How many more times) One of your footnotes baby (How many more times) Throw me down with the rest of ‘em (I think about you all the time) You know i’m the best of ‘em (Can’t let this river unwind)
3.
journal 1 03:39
lyrics
No hard feelings I haven’t wronged anybody But god do i miss feeling thrilling I wanna be ecstatic But my head’s elastic Snap back to you Snap back to nothing Snap back to how good it felt lyin’ on ur stomach No hard feelings Living on leftovers and candles Wander my house water my plants Saw you again you were already looking Glad you still search every room you walk in Wish I hadn’t said something Wish you hadn’t meant anything You can always come back to me I know we haven’t talked recently I’d tell my friends to forget what I told them And i’d look at you like a fool again I don’t wanna go back But don’t want anything new I hate leaving things unresolved Most of all I remember you dancing Just like me just like the dream Where i’m hunched horrible embarrassed And you’re screaming angry disgusted Just like me just like me No hard feelings I know the sadness will stop in time It always does
4.
seawater 04:33
lyrics
My right eye is green You’re no different than me I’m not so interesting Your compliments hold nothing My left eye is blue I didn’t mean to hurt you I’m not so guilty You’re calling it asymmetry It’s called heterochromia You won’t notice if you’re not looking Stop saying i’m a catch I’m a black hole circling My kitchen with headphones in Listening Drifting Waiting My right side is green Sorry this is still weird for me Raised to believe i’m a predator Still scrubbing the hate from my pores My left side is blue You say i’m arty What are you? A critic? a review? I’m not gonna save you I don’t remember asking I feel like fucking screaming Stop saying i’m detached I’m seawater in a swimming pool [repeat] Corroding Floating Evaporating I’m tired of pretending I’m tired of not wanting It’s not enough to just be loved I wanna have the world’s biggest crush I’m circling the kitchen I’m pushing down the floorboards I’m everything I want I’m everything that’s wrong I’m sorry I’m working on it I’m always working on it I’m sorry I let you down again I’m working on it I’m sorry I led you on again I’m working on it I’m sorry I fell for it again I’m working on it I only thought of myself again I’m working on it I’m always apologizing friend I’m working on it I’m scared I’ll be like this until the end I’m working on it I’m sorry I wasn’t any help I’m working on it I’m sorry I didn’t see you ask for it I’m sorry I’m so selfish I’m sorry I can’t stop this I’m sorry i’m working on it I’m always working on it I’m sorry i’m working on it I’m always working on it I’m so sorry my dear friend I don’t think this one’s gonna work out in the end
5.
[biking] 01:43
6.
shapes 01:10
lyrics
Do you wanna come over tonight? I’ve been staring at my ceiling and my phone and my ceiling again And my hands hurt from trying to learn the c scale Not very good at it I heard you’re good at it Do you wanna come over and make the shapes that ppl in love make? With our hands and our legs and our arm and our bodies I think i’d like that I think it’d cheer me up I think it’d cheer u up I hope it cheers me up Because if this doesn’t work I don’t know who I have left
7.
knowing 06:00
lyrics
You dyed your hair Bright red trying for pink Your head’s on fire I’m only ever tired I can tell you wanted me Still cling to my memory Can’t say I felt the same I really tried to (I promise) I really wanted to want you Don’t want to talk Just scan your profile For traces of me Call out quietly I’m not coming back I’ll meet someone else I’ll feel again and think of you less Eventually stop the checks You’re falling apart I just want a new start You’re writing me songs in that bed Hoping they stick in my head Can’t say I feel the same I really tried to (I promise) I really wanted to want you I’ll admit I haven’t changed You really tried to (pull me in) You really wanted to make me stay Wake from a dream of your eyes Back to her arms and go back with a sigh Between your shoulder and your head Hair smells the same but it’s bright red She’s not as confusing or thrilling But I prefer the peace i’m feeling I prefer knowing I prefer knowing
8.
reservations 04:18

about

Excited to finally, humbly present Seawater. I hope y’all enjoy it. This will always be my first release so I made sure to put a lot of love into it. I started learning how to make music a year and a half ago; I would have never imagined being able to complete an 8 song project by now. I wrote this when I was very badly depressed in the summer of 2020. I don’t really know that version of myself anymore but this EP will trap him in an aquarium for our viewing pleasure forever! Weird.

Seawater is about asymmetric relationships; how no two people will ever see each other exactly the same way. I found that I saw myself on both sides of these songs and, as more time passed, I forgot which perspective I wrote from. I realized it’s possible to be heartbroken and the one who left. I found myself mourning my ability to feel anything. Somehow committing this web of confusion to music made me feel a lot better. And that’s another thing to note: making this was clarifying for me but will be a huge bummer for you. It’s pretty sad music even though I had the most fun making it. So sorry about that in advance lol.

Most importantly, Seawater cleared the road ahead for me. These were the first songs I ever wrote and as much as I love them, I have so many more that I’ve been waiting to record. Seemingly as proof of this, I fell in love harder than I ever have before, twice, while completing the EP. So here’s one story for you. After an exceptionally good date last year that wasn’t actually a date, I rushed home and recorded a cover of one of my favorite love songs with my amp propped up on my bed so I could lay my mic on it. I got my friend Ace to record omnichord over the demo. I did my vocals in one take and added in some overdubs later. It doesn’t even matter who it was for at this point; I had convinced myself that I would never like anyone again, and here I was sitting in my room at 2am screaming a wilco song for a boy. I thought it would be nice to include that cover as the final track to remind myself that sometimes I’m just being dramatic. That I can always try again.

Thank you to everyone who sang for me, sat through demos in the car, and encouraged me to actually release this. Special thanks to Jamie, who sat on the floor and wrote my first song with me; to Ace, who recorded omnichord for the final track; and to Meg, Aziza, Mo, Lauren, and Trafton for being my biggest fans before I even made music. I can’t wait for what’s next. It’s less sad I promise!

-Chase

credits

released February 22, 2022

Seawater EP Credits

All songs written, performed, engineered, and produced by Starfish EXCEPT:

(biking):
Water noises performed by the New River Valley

knowing:
Co-written by Jamie Nelson

reservations:
Written by small indie band Wilco
Omnichord arranged and performed by Ace Doran-Campbell (microplasticsmusic.bandcamp.com)
Wind noises performed by the New River Valley

Cover art by Aziza Louri (@azizzaria on twitter)

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starfish Blacksburg, Virginia

music artist from Blacksburg Virginia.

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